Cacophony

Poem drafting

on certain days i wake late from my dreams to this nightmare swimming in a tangle of sheets, smelling familiar scents of sweat Smoldering this sacred stretch of skin.	another day, another whiff of Worry drags me further into bed like clockwork the cicak on the wall sears my eardrums
ki ki ki ki ki a cacophony of ki ki ki kiasu  ki ki kiasi ki kiamsiap kisiao clumsy can’t believe you’re still stuck

Sound

on certain days I wake late from my dreams to  a screaming nightmare swimming in  a tangle of sheets smelling familiar scents of  sweat smoldering  this scratch of skin	another day another whiff of worry drags me  further into bed like clockwork the cicak on the wall  sears my eardrums
ki-ki-ki-ki-ki a kakophony of ki-ki-ki-kiasu   ki-ki-kiasi ki-kiamsiap kisiao-klumsy  kan’t believe you’re still  stuck🦎

i 

have grown too far too fast 

fevers break my growing pains  

and i prey on my own emotions

torn, bitten raw, swallowed, and yet still more

chewed and spat upon the wall 

emotions drip, half-digested onto the floor

i have become my own predator.

I am at war.

 

“Want is not a need

But a luxury given as desired

A privilege when you’re privy

to the deeds most people don’t even dream of—

 

but I won't’ stop growing.

The sheen of perspiration waters my soil.

I sweat out toxins,

and nourish my soul with flowing strides

each breath exerted glowing with want.

Granted, the cycle repeats. Another day, another waft of worry wakes me up hot and shivering

My mind a mess again, a rain

of knives on this bloated body

 

But still, my will strengthens my head hardens with pressure into a shining diamond that drills through thought to overcome each rattle

Of my breath goes to show my thirst for living—

That I care more than I care to show

my meaning to life is radiant with the tears

we shed that brim with passion and any semblance of love

this I know

 

Personal Growth to be comfortable with yourself, Not a linear experience, can be considered as and healing.

The feeling of breaking your knuckle and it grows back thicker (microfracture).