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Dancing with Dissonance?

 I am angry at myself

I should be very good at buttering them up

[06/09, 00:52] Faith: But also i feel horrible for doing things I don't believe in

[06/09, 00:52] Faith: So i cannot pretend anymore


[06/09, 00:54] Faith: I think he is just thinking that I will go to hell

[06/09, 00:54] Faith: And he will treat me like that also


 because i’m sure he is hurting too, when he hurts me

But this is differences in belief

I know

But it is also because of his belief that he wants to warn me and be very stern

[Because he thinks I am in danger


[06/09, 00:55] Faith: I know it'll be like this because I was like this too

[06/09, 00:56] Faith: I understand him completely

[06/09, 00:56] Faith: I had the feelings also


[06/09, 00:57] Faith: I am still crying

[06/09, 00:57] Faith: i feel so bad

[06/09, 00:58] Faith: For breaking my family apart

[06/09, 00:58] Faith: I really am the black

[06/09, 00:58] Faith: I want my parents to love me so much

[06/09, 00:58] Faith: But I make them feel so disgusted



my love, read this later, when your heart and mind are calmer and better! 


I think it would be best for you to put or vocalise stronger boundaries. No one should talk to you like that & flip you off for no reason other than you voicing your opinion or making a mistake. it’s not right. I know you wouldn’t let a stranger do that to you, so why would you let your family? 


it will be hard, but I think it’s important, especially in order to maintain somewhat of a relationship with your family. write them a letter. maybe you can say something like:


“I don’t appreciate it when you treat me that way and I will not accept it. It’s wrong, and it really hurts our relationship as parent and son. I love you a lot but that doesn’t mean I will let you treat me badly. I know you are doing it because you care about me and you love me, but it really hurts me when you treat me in that way.” 


and maybe talk to your mother about this? I don’t know if she will support you, but I hope she’s strong enough to. and I hope she can see that your father’s way of communicating and his actions are wrong. 


maybe write them separate letters. I know it seems childish and small to write to them instead of saying it directly, but sometimes that’s the best you can do and it’s more than enough. I used to communicate in thst way with my own family, and it helped a lot. their letters back were mostly good and they helped me too.


trust that your family loves you as much as you love them


and don’t let them treat you badly just because they are family. it’s hard. because you have also learnt to accept it, but that shouldn’t be accepted. I was really shocked when I heard that your father even swore at you :(( it makes me sad because that’s not what a parent should be doing. 


I love you a lot. you got this!!!

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