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breaking vessels

Alternatives: a mother who lost her sons in a car crash now continues seeing them each year during the hungry ghosts festival


B VESSELS

(Living room of Home, Equator. Day: Sunday 22 August 2021)

 

OGGO

(singing in a dark room, sunlight coming in from the window)

August seeps in the fragrance of lotus,

The maiden dreams of her hometown tonight.

She wakes to the absence of father,

and mother,

She wakes in full presence of daylight.

 

(Spotlight on Sini, sleeping downstage, slowly wakes up and starts drawing on her hand. Slowly, a dim light illuminates Oggo on centre stage, wrapped in pale garments, bound and attached to the central panel of an open cabinet with two urns on either side of them as peaceful, ambient music plays. They seem to be asleep, their breathing in tune to the music.

Suddenly, the door slams, the music stops, jolting Oggo out of their trance and they hit their head on the cabinet roof. The light turns on. Sini chuckles. The sound of Sana and Gramma arguing can be heard, they enter the stage together. Oggo, fully awake, glares at them.)

GRAMMA

(colourfully clothed, with golden chains, smoking a cigarette, while holding 2                 bags: one yellow, one red)

…crime over my dead body! Look here. You smell this (sniffs) aroma?

(holds up bags, then when Sana approaches, she immediately pulls away)

No! First tell me what you did wrong.

SANA

(Sporting long sideburns and a moustache, similarly clothed and sporting a bunch of gold watches on his hands, putting down boxes at the front door while shaking his head)

GRAMMA

(Continues walking, arrives near Oggo, puts bags down, and pushes an angry Oggo into the cabinet and closes the doors, and picks bags up again.)

You want to eat or not?

OGGO

(Struggling against their bonds in the cabinet)

(Muffled): We can’t see anything

GRAMMA

(Exclamation): I said you want to eat or not!

 

SANA

         (walking in circles)

I already told you that I want to! It’s the freaking festival, Ma!

 

GRAMMA

Watch your mouth ah, you hungry weakling.

You want to eat, right? Then tell me what you did wrong.

 

SANA

You already know what I did, why are you asking me!

 

GRAMMA

Son, I’m not asking. I know what you did wrong, but do you know what you did wrong?!

(silence)

You’re not allowed to eat before you admit your mistake.

 

SANA

I’m a grown-ass man! You can’t do this!

 

GRAMMA

(chuckles, smile hardening) Do what? I’m educating you.

(silence)

SANA

It’s my personality, I can’t change it, you can’t change it, why does it matter anyway!

 

GRAMMA

Oh? Then you’re not my son. My children are good, righteous souls. Who are you?

(silence)

I don’t raise despicable children.

(silence)

If this isn’t the way to educate a man-child like you, tell me, how should I teach you? The Khors, the Kims, and the Gans have good sons that lived respectable lives! But me? I have no such good son! None!

(silence)

 

SANA

This is my personality! (Exasperated)

All these years! I don’t decide what’s been given to me!

You’re literally hounding me beyond death at this point, old lady!

 

GRAMMA

OH! It’s a waste! To have carried you for nine-and-a-half-months-

 

SANA

(huge eye roll)

GRAMMA

I taught you, your teachers taught you, your bosses taught you, your wife taught you, and you continue cowering in your shadow of “personality”. How is that arguable? Hah? You tell me! What kind of examples did you set for your poor daughter! (gestures at Sini, who is seemingly oblivious)

 

SANA

You miss the point!

GRAMMA

You tell me then, tell me, how should I educate this (gestures) man-child?

 

SANA

I clearly did exactly what you told me to! I took some food…

         (Gramma stares hard at him)

(rapidly)……and the money was just lying beside it, so I assumed-

 

GRAMMA

Ha! Trying to make an ass of you and me! Brain not working also know you’re not supposed to assume and take orang punya money! (exasperated) It’s your father’s side la this!

Whaaat will our neighbours think! Whaaat will they say-

 

SANA

No! Ma, you didn’t say-

GRAMMA (interjecting)

Ho! You didn’t say, you deeeedn’t say! Is this how you talk to me? You think I’m one of your average friends is (cough) it (cough) Aiyah, aiyah—(coughs)-

(spits out cigarette, puts hand on chest, takes out inhaler from pocket and takes a long breath. Sana scoffs, and continues walking towards the kitchen)

 

OGGO

There she goes, we can’t believe that she’s still doing this, even now.

 

GRAMMA

(Cuts in, to Sana)

Is it?!

SANA

No! But... (sighs)

(shrugs, hesitates, stops in his tracks and sulks.)

 

GRAMMA

(turns and stares down Sana. Plants her hands on her hips, purses her lips.)

But what? Just now so talkative, but the moment I ask you simple questions you diam.

(puts down bags on the floor, sits down in the chair and takes two breaths from the inhaler)

SANA

(A small eye roll, shrugs again, sullenly takes the bags left by Gramma on the floor and makes for the kitchen.)

I prepare the food first.

GRAMMA

Hmf.

Eh, not that bag, I’ll need that.

(SANA walks over to her and moves to pass her the yellow bag. Gramma looks up from her seat-)

Tsk, No, not this one- that one.

 (tilts her head at the red bag)

Tsk, even now you still don’t know my rules ah?!


(Sana looks into the red bag, Sniffs, gives it to Gramma, and starts walking to the kitchen offstage)

OGGO

(Muffled): It’s so dark in here.

(the light dims)

GRAMMA

(Looks into the red bag, Sniffs.)

Eh Sana remember to sanitise the buns first! And properly clean the fish!

 

SANA

Yaa!

(slap of the fish on the counter)

 

OGGO

(Muffled): Darker than the belly of a fish.

 

GRAMMA

(Thinks for a moment)

You remember how to do it? Like last time I teach you, you need to remove the scales in the sink-

SANA

Yaalah I know already lah! Haiyo!

(chopping sounds ensue, steadily slowing into a regular rhythm.)

(the cabinet rattles as Oggo struggles)

 

GRAMMA

(puts down bag, mimes scaling the fish)

Scrub, rub, repeat. Scrub, rub, repeat, for clean, aromatic skin. Scrub, rub, repeat. Scrub, rub, repeat. Got it? SANA! Wei! KER SANA! (aside) aih, better go check on him.

(attempts to get up from her seat)

Aiyayayaaaaya—

(plops back down, sighs, moves to light a cigarette at the mouth, pauses, looks at watch at wrist on hand holding lighter)

Ah, time. Take medicine first.

OGGO

(Muffled groan): There’s no point.

SINI

(finishes her drawing, jumps up)

Gramma! Gramma! See!

GRAMMA

(smiles at SINI, and proceeds to pull out pill packets from bag)

Hiii, Sini. Yes? Show Gramma, come.

      (shakes out brightly coloured pills and arranges them on the table)

 

SINI

      (runs to Gramma and shows off hand)

It’s a tattoo! Look, this is Hobbes the tiger, see? I remember how you teach me to print it on my hand.

GRAMMA

(without glancing)

-Your shoulder

SINI

      (looks at shoulder, bewilderingly points at it)

No, my hand. See? She’s a tiger!

      (beams widely)

I’m now part tiger. RRRRR

GRAMMA

(Chuckles, then grins at Sini)

Rrrrrr tiger, tiger, I’m MORE tiger than you. And your mother too, she’s more fierce! SHE’s a tiger…

(Sini grins)

OGGO

(Muffled): A tigress.

GRAMMA

(to self): or she used to be a tiger.

SINI

(excitedly) Tigress! A tigress!

GRAMMA

(counting pills in her hand)

Exactly. A Ti-KER-ess!

SINI

ROAR! I am KER SINI THE KER TIGRESS! (giggles)

 

GRAMMA

         (inspecting pills in the light)

Mmm-mm!

SINI

(curious)  what you’re doing, Gramma! What are all these… so colourful things!

 

OGGO

(Muffled): Useless things.

GRAMMA

These? Ah, These are all my pills, to eat. Like sweets for Gramma, to keep Gramma strong, and healthy... See! Here got so many types. Can count? One, two, three, ten, fifteen, twenty! Wow…at least…twenty pills per day.

OGGO

(Muffled): Redundant!

      (Sini giggles)

GRAMMA

Neh, this one for vitamins, this one high blood pressure, this one cholesterol, this one for my heart this one for my bones…or for my brain? I forget what else... (to self) Not that that’s important nah.

OGGO

(Muffled): That part’s true.

SINI

(looking at the cabinet)

But how come so much?

(Oggo speaks with Gramma during bolded parts)

GRAMMA

So much? Yes, so much you see? so many colours. So hospital helpers then pack them into these colourful packs for me like, how they packed me and your papa away!

 

SINI

(distracted) Ooh, like goody bags? They look yummy! Can I try can I try? Try one only!

 

GRAMMA

No, Sana—Sini. These are for me only! You steal one from the cabinets and you’ll be sorry. (pause) Seriously. Your mommy won’t like it, don’t make your mommy sad!... You’ll make me... sad.

(proceeds to swallow tablets. Sini watches in fascination.)

 

OGGO

(Muffled): Sadly packed away, yes. Sadly burnt.

(The chopping/ticking sounds from the kitchen stop. The clock chimes 6 times, Gramma chokes on a few tablets, and looks up. Swallows water, clears throat)

 

GRAMMA

Aiyah it’s time. So fast.

(wok sounds in the kitchen)

SINI

For Oggo?

      (eyes the cabinet)

OGGO

(Muffled): Let us out.

GRAMMA

(Ignores, rummages bag to take out ritual materials)

 

SINI

What is it what is it what is it

GRAMMA

Wait ah! I show you I show you

(opens cabinet, pulls out the panel, showing Oggo blinking in the light)

 

OGGO

The brightness!

SINI

(Seemingly drawn to Oggo, goes towards them and touches their hand)

He does not look too good ….

GRAMMA

(With ritual materials in hand, runs to Sini and hits her hand, Oggo falls down)

Eh! Don’t touch!

SINI and OGGO

OW!

OGGO

You hurt us!

GRAMMA

Ayo don’t be so melodramatic, look look! He fell down!

(Both rush to push Oggo back to their place. Silence.)

There. That’s done. How to do this again ah.

(Gramma contemplates, and awkwardly kneels in front of Oggo)

Aiyayyayyaaya! Oofh.

Mmm. Now, to take a deep breath.

SINI and OGGO

To take a deep breath.

GRAMMA

(Deeply puffs inhaler, struggles to think)

And a time to (puffs inhaler) quiet down

 

SINI and OGGO

And a time to-

GRAMMA(interrupts)

Shhhhhh! I’m trying to remember!

(Sini giggles again, Gramma clears throat, holds up her hands to Oggo, and                  suddenly claps and sings)

Oggy, O! Oggy may you give us strength and mercy~ Oggy give us health and money-

 

OGGO

(Deep breath): We are OGGO.

GRAMMA

Oggy-Oggy! Give us strength and mercy~ Oggy give us health and money-

 

OGGO

The name’s OGGO

GRAMMA

I have lived to please you all my days-

OGGO

You did not-

GRAMMA

And gave you the sweetest place-

 

OGGO

You kid us not, old lady.

GRAMMA

Do bless our home, bless this family and bless our little Sini our little Sini -

      (looks at Sini)

Now, we prepare the fruits-

OGGO

Oh, help.

(Gramma proceeds to unload oranges out of the bag)

 Lady, would you just-

(Gramma stuffs an orange into Oggo’s mouth, they spit it out immediately)

 

SINI

Gramma! You’re hurting him!

GRAMMA

Hush! Sini this is serious! Don’t disturb!

(to Oggo) I have brought fresh oranges, your favourite...aaaand...

 

OGGO (interjecting)

We hate oranges, what makes you presume we’d enjoy —

(sees that Gramma is rummaging in bag once more)

oooo no and don’t take them out

no—no—oLD LADY-

 

SINI and OGGO

Please!

GRAMMA

      (finally finishes digging in bag)

And here we have a fresh bottle of champagne for you—

 

OGGO

OOOLD LAADY I must insist-

(Gramma uncorks the bottle and pours contents over Oggo, who immediately launches in speech)

My..(shocked by the chill of the champagne)...My...My mission makes sense of what happens to souls losing sense, sana, status, losing control losing completely spinning-sini-sana squeezed by the crashing metal matter more matter melting, steering splintered steel into engine, flames, fumes, furnace burning, fumes, burning eternally every day every way the mangled messssssSqueezing out cigarette smoke shards of shattered windshield!—

(Gramma shakes out remains in bottle)

melting faces charred beyond recognition, you breathe not- 

(breathes heavily)

 SINI (interjecting)

(Exclaims) Ooooaaa- That never happened when mommy did it.

 

GRAMMA

(Gramma puts down the half empty bottle, closes eyes and raises palms to shush   Oggo in a repetitive motion)

(singsong) Oggy-Oggy Give us strength and mercy Oggy give us health and money~

 

OGGO

(panting): We are OGGO. OGGO. Even now you do not know our name!

 

GRAMMA

(takes another orange from the bag)

 And here's another orange, we've come to a consensus, haven't we?

 

OGGO

DO IT, WE DARE YOU! DO I—

GRAMMA

(stuffs Oggo 's mouth with the orange.)

You will bless me, won't you Oggy- Oggy give us health and money

(uncorks champagne again and pours over Oggo, then stands up as Oggo splutters in frustration)

Peace. Oggy, Peace.

OGGO

(choking out orange)

yes. YES. Peace at last.

GRAMMA

Ok, Sini, now we, uh yes. I think we need to clean up…I’ll ask papa to show you!

(Aside, while going into kitchen)

 Wonder how he’s prepared the food.

 

SINI

(to Oggo) Are you alright? –

(A shout, and a crash in the kitchen, a pause, and Sana storms out, holding a kitchen rag, goes to Oggo)

Hey Papa!

OGGO (simultaneously)

(groans) Oh God. Grant me patience. Heavens help me! Erase this cruel-cruel story!

 

SANA

(ignores Sini, mops up Oggo roughly while muttering. Oggo protests)

Telling me what to do and what not to do. I have no freedom! NO freedom! She’s always controlling! Controlling. Everything!

 

OGGO (interjecting)

(Muffled cry): the contrary of freedom is not determinism but external constraint on doing what one wants to do-

SINI

Papa! You're hurting him!

SANA

(accentuating each phrase with a hard stroke)

Always working me like, a m-mental slave, to the bone, to the death-

Selfish, selfish, selfish, self-centred, self…SELF-

 

OGGO

(simultaneously, interjected with pain)

Hobbes contends that liberty is “the absence of all the impediments to action that are not contained in the nature- and- in-trin-trin-trin-trin-sical quality of the agent”

 

SINI

(smiling) Papa!

SANA

(hand and rag on/in/wiping Oggo’s mouth. Oggo makes gagging noises.)

(finally notices Sini)

Eh, Sini! You listen. Listen here, girl. This here, this isn’t worth it. Last time, your Gramma spent so much on this. Now, your mother spends too much on this, for what? They work so hard, for what? For them to buy expensive wine (kicks the empty champagne bottle) and imported fruits (kicks oranges) for … this thing that gives nothing! Nothing!

(Sana breaks down into laughter, Sini rushes to put her arms around him)

(Oggo splutters and gasps for air)

 

SINI

It’s ok, Papa, it’s alright.

You’re the smartest person I know, you don’t need to work so hard!

 

SANA

(Sighs) That-That’s not the point, Sini.

GRAMMA

(comes out of the kitchen with a pink bun in hand and a cigarette in her mouth)

 What’s the point?

OGGO

There is none.

 

SANA

(immediately stands and stutters)

 There is no point. I just think that-

GRAMMA

(munching on her bun)

Stop thinking. Really ah, it’s your dad’s side showing. Honestly, in my day, we had good sense in our heads—to quell our thoughts—a virtue you sorely lack.

 

SANA

I…

OGGO

He can’t find words to say what he wants to mean.

 

SINI

Huh? Really, Gramma? Is it really really really ok to stop thinking?

 

SANA (interjecting)

You…

GRAMMA

Perfectly, perfectly well, Sini.

(As she speaks, the clock chimes ten, heels click outside, muffled keys jingle, a key turns loudly in the lock, and the door opens. Mom, with pure white hair, pale makeup and white clothes, comes in and is shocked to hear Sini talking to Gramma)

There’s definitely no point in thinking, no point at all, Unless…unless…

 

SINI

(Oblivious to mom’s entrance)

(Gramma is snapping her fingers while struggling to think)

Wait, Gramma, unless what? Gramma! Unless what?

 

SANA

Uh…

OGGO

They can't find words to say what they want to mean.

 

MOM

Sini? Sini look at me! Who are you talking to!

(hurriedly puts down her bags, identical to the ones Gramma carried but twice as big)

 

SINI

(in shock) Mommy! I- Gramma—help me.

 

GRAMMA

Unless they are told to.

MOM

(in shock) I can’t believe this is happening.

(points at table) Why…why are you playing with those pills! Where did you get them!

 

GRAMMA

 It’s ok, Sini, it’s alright.

Your mom is back. That’s what matters. But kesian. She’s in real danger.

(shakes head and drags cigarette).

 

SINI

(looks at Gramma) I- I- Gramma says

MOM

(jaw dropping) Sini I told you not to talk to dirty things!

 

GRAMMA

(aside): Well well. My daughter in law calls me dirty. 

 

SINI

Mom… But-

CHORUS: ALL, EXCEPT SINI

Sini, Never. Talk. To. Dirty things! Or even pretend to! 

 

SINI

Why not! Gramma helps me-

MOM

Sini, listen to me. It’s not Gramma!

(lip trembling, advances)

We agreed! You agreed that you won’t speak to dirty things, Sini!

 

GRAMMA

She’s going down the drain

SINI

I really can’t-

MOM

Do not speak!

         (fumbles the bags for ritual materials)

 

OGGO, GRAMMA, SANA

(hushing) Silence!

SANA

Mommy needs help.

SINI

I-

MOM

         (still taking things out from the bag. Mainly large oranges)

Not a peep!

 

OGGO, GRAMMA, SANA

(hushing) Not a sound.

SANA

Mommy really needs help.

SINI

Mommy, listen!

MOM

         (rises, looks at Sini)

No, no, you don’t know, please.

Don’t attract any more trouble, Sini. Come!

(pulls Sini in front of Oggo)

 

OGGO

Unable to think. Unable to speak.

      (The wind starts to blow coming in from the window)

 

MOM

Kneel! (they both kneel)

SINI

(looks at Gramma and Sana, leisurely watching from either side)

But Gramma said-

MOM

keep quiet! She is not here. They are not here! (mutters): They are not here.

 

OGGO

Insanity. Madness.

(The wind picks up. Curtains lining the window ruffle. Rain can be heard.

Mom holds up giant oranges, gives one to Sini, starts pushing them into Oggo’s mouth. Oggo pitifully eats the oranges as quickly as possible.)

 

MOM (Simultaneously)

(Muttering): Ogga. Ogga. Ogga. Full of strength, strength and mercy. Heal her, protect her. Protect my darling daughter. Keep this family safe. Safe and sound. Protect our lives, our souls, our spirits. Keep these plagues away. Away. Away. Keep them away from her! Keep them away from her!

 

OGGO (Simultaneously)

(muted) Please, help.

We can’t stand this anymore

God, spare us this bitter cup!

God, spare us this bitter cup!

 

GRAMMA (Simultaneously)

Well, Sana. See? Your wife has gone further down the drain-

 

SANA

-Superstitions! Heck of a waste.

GRAMMA

-Look how far she’s gone, Sini. Mania, we call them.

 

SANA

-Heck of a waste.

         (End of first simultaneous strain with OGGO, GRAMMA, SANA, MOM)

 

(The Wind roars. Curtains fly. Gramma and Sana continue observing, Sini, at loss, kneels by Mom holding her giant oranges.)

 

MOM (Simultaneously)

(continues seamlessly from first outburst, deranged and shaking)

Keep them away from her, Ogga!

 Have pity, have mercy. Have mercy. Protect us, protect this family (repeat)

 

GRAMMA (Simultaneously)

Mania. Pitiful creatures, shadows of what they once were. Don’t be like her, Sini.

 

SANA

You can do better, Sini.

 

GRAMMA

You’re a tigress, Sini.

SINI

(voice shaking, visibly distressed)

Momma! Don’t do this! I’m sorry Mommy, I’m sorry!

 

GRAMMA

Never moved past our departures, she didn’t. Look at her now! Losing her spirit while searching for ours. Look at her now! A Ker tigress, no longer.

 

SANA

But you’re a tigress, Sini.

GRAMMA

Yes, you’re a tigress, Sini.

         (End of second simultaneous strain with GRAMMA, SANA, SINI, MOM)

 

MOM

(Renewed vigour): Ogga, full of strength, strength and mercy. Protect us, protect this family, Protect Sini! (gasps for breath)

 

SINI (interjecting)

Mommy, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m-

 

MOM

-Protect my Sini!

(Sini and Mom break down to tears, crying out at the same time. Sini is clutching at Mom, Mom is tearing at Oggo’s bonds, and a loud ripping sound is heard.)

(The wind stills, curtains still, everyone freezes. Oggo is pried free from the panel. Oggo falls to the ground and scrambles to stand, peeling off their pale garments in the process.)

 

OGGO

(Stunned, and then Shouts)

It is finished!

(Oggo limps to the centre of the stage as mom looks on, transfixed and trembling. Gramma, Sini, and Sana are frozen in place.)

It is finished! (laughs excitedly)

Idiotic family. Amusing, eh? The way they abuse us, asking for all the wrong things, all barking up the wrong tree. But now I’m free! I’m free! Free of these, these…

(stands up and looks at the audience)

Hear this! Some people are dead, but they stay, very much alive.

And see! Some people are alive, but have long since entered death.

(laughs)

(at Mom) Pitiful. Pitiful! Blindly clinging to your worthless idols and forfeiting the grace, the joy, and the peace that could be yours.

(laughs again)

And so what? Why do we care!? Why are we here? What powers do we hold?

(to audience, deep breath)

Now We know the Truth.

(pause)

We can leave whenever we want to. We can. We. (struggles to think) I. I am. I am Oggo. I have enough.

I…I switch off.

(Oggo snaps his fingers, the snap reverberates and magnifies)

(Everyone reverberates with the snap, and all fall except for Oggo.)

(Oggo is stunned, and looks above):

 I SAID I SWITCH OFF!


(Nothing happens. Oggo cries. the spotlight fizzles out, he is still crying)

 

(In the darkness, Sana starts laughing. Then Mom. Then Gramma. Then Sini, until they all laugh uproariously.)


(The spotlight flips on, immediately silencing the laughter.

Spotlight on Sini who is asleep downstage, Oggo, Gramma and Sana are sitting in each of their panel slots of the cabinet, with Gramma and Sana holding their urns; Gramma on the left, Oggo in the centre, Sana on the right)

 

(Ambient music plays, Sounds of the night can be heard: owls, leaves rustling, crickets.)

(The clock chimes ten, sound of heels clicking, then a jangle of keys can be heard, and a key turns loudly in the lock. The lights go out, with the immediate hum of harmony from Oggo, Sana, Gramma.)


OGGO, SANA, GRAMMA

(singing in harmony)

Autumn comes with the fragrance of lotus,

The tigress dreams

of her hometown every night.

She sleeps to the absence of father,

and mother,

She sleeps in the presence of moonlight.

 

END SCENE




Comments: 

This is an interesting piece, confusing at first, the dialogue and actions slowly begin to make sense. This is a clever play, with intriguing and unforgettable characters. The reader / audience is thrust into a world in which a dysfunctional family exists, teetering on the edge of sanity. The worship of a human-made deity; one that is shackled and bound by our rituals and superstitions is a brave theme to write about. We are introduced to confusion amongst the "believers" and non- believers; each who has his or her form of beliefs and who scorns the others'. It is as if we tell ourselves stories and lies to keep us sane in this insane world. Into this world, we bring the gods we create and mistreat and our families as well.
Perhaps you could spend a little more time creating and depicting the context / backdrop to the play. And perhaps, at the close, it could be revealed what Sini has learned and what she has chosen to become or to be in terms of the smaller and larger picture. This is, after all, about what the older generations foster upon the younger ones.

This is a FASCINATING concept. I don't know what stage of writing/revision you are in, but assuming that you are planning to revise more, my main comments would be
1) the focus of the play. I think this play could go in so many directions because there are so many things you could choose to be the central focus (familial relationships, spiritual bonds, the nature of reality, etc). The fun part of being a playwright is you get to pick :) Sp, ignore the feedback that doesn't steer your work in the direction you want it to go. 
Currently it's not super clear to me what the central thrust of the play is. I can see that you write from the perspective of a visual artist -- the images are visceral and come quickly one after the other. Seemingly disjointed elements create a meaningful collage. However, I do think that this collage of micro scenes and images needs more unity/focus. What do you want to the audience to not be able to miss? 

2) development of Bob's character and relationship to the family. Who IS Bob? How did they come to be, and how did they come to acquire the knowledge that they have? What is Bob's function or role in the play? What do they want? Fear? Even if you don't end up directly telling the audience any of those things, it's helpful for you as a playwright to clarify for yourself. There's so, so much rich content that this current draft made me curious about -- especially in Bob's speech about the truth and cries to God (another minor character you could experiment with more).

 I think i'd wanna see more of the sana-sini father-daughter r/ship manifesting. Like how's he with his wife and stuffff 

the buildup is chaotic as usual, i still have trouble comprehending the simultaneous speech so we'll see if anyone else can give feedback on that? either way i enjoyed the layering and foreshadowing AS USUAL, and this might just be me but this time bob's dialogue doesn't feel too out of place?? it flows quite nicely despite his displacement from most of the conversations taking place. all the characters are amazing esp. gramma, just gotta tweak sana a LIL BIT 

Some dissonance I notice in the plots that I'm not sure if they're intentional or what:
- So the ending says that gramma is actually dead and just a spirit, but the description of her at the beginning of the play is very human: the coughing and inhaler part. I can actually find explanation/justification for this for you, but I thought i could point it out for u ahhaha
- 'Especially when you’re the one at fault' it's not resolved in the end what exactly did Sana do.
- punctuation and capitalisation.
- why does Mom call the spirits dirty, but still worship them, ie feeding Bonny oranges?

Upon reading it a second time, i find the ending slightly confusing when I looked closer:
- 'What I have vowed, I will make good in your service.' mean? Like who is 'your'? What really happened to Bob ha?
- Also, is your ending to show that the mom finally accepts the fact that Gramma and Sana are gone, as symbolised by the release of Bob and implied by Sini falling back asleep like in the opening of the play and the opening of the door assuming it is the Mom opening the door? Sth like a brand new start for Mom and Sini

I like the quick transition from a thundering chorus to Sana being himself. Im interpreting this as the playwright trying to show that Sana is not of this world (as in Sini's world) because the chorus is very evocative of a commanding godly being, and the quick shift to Sana speaking in his usual human voice suggests that despite his perceived human presence, he is not spirit first and human second (sth that is portrayed in the order of the lines).

Why the name Bob? A couple of thoughts
1) it's a distinctly masculine name, but Bob uses "us/we" pronouns
2) it's a secular name, and he's a spiritual figure 
3) Is it Bob's name for themself? Does the family (living and deceased) address them by another name?
Faith Foo
Faith Foo
May 3, 2021
1) juxtaposition and (cant think of better name for bob any suggestions ;.;)
2) that's true in the normative sense, but it's definitely some unnecessary wool i'll have to snip away,
3) ig only Sini calls Bob by their preferred name, even so, She does not know their pronouns

mom, gramma, sana and sini sees the idol in different ways and calls it by different names they believe in~ 
i'll see how i can make this clearer with a re-structure thanks!
Fara Ling
Fara Ling
May 4, 2021
Re names for Bob: depending on what you're going for.

You could experiment with pronouns as names, e.g. They. It. We. 

Or more ambiguous nouns like "One" "The Figure" etc

The naming of Bob might be interesting to explore -- Gramma and the mother call Bob different names. Would it be significant if everyone names Bob names they reject, but they simultaneously can't name themself?


|
simultaneously, interjected with pain)
Fara Ling
Fara Ling
May 3, 2021
Only Sini can hear Bob? Sana and Gramma seem deaf to them
Faith Foo
Faith Foo
May 3, 2021
hehe yeap it's a plotline im still trying to figure out. Sini is the anchor in the story, and she subconsciously holds power over everything in the play; the characters are all  in her head, per se
God, spare us this bitter cup!
Ooh interesting! Bob is a kind of deity, but they're acknowledging another one. It's pretty powerful that Bob is the ultimate victim in this story; they're powerless, unheard, subject to the desires and whims of humans. 
They are impotent as well -- they haven't granted Gramma anything she asked for.

 

We can leave whenever we want to. We.(struggles to think) I. I am Bob. I had enough. 
I…I switch off.
So interesting. Contrary to the maxim that knowledge is power, Bob knows the truth, but they have no power to change anything for themself or others. Which leads to an important question -- 

What does Bob want? To help the family, or be free from them? Do they have any compassion upon the family at all?

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